My Mind and Me

I’ve been very open in sharing my journey through depression and anxiety.

A few weeks ago, after several discussions with my primary care physician and also my therapist, we agreed that it was time I tried life without some medication (I was taking Cymbalta).

My PCP, therapist, and I felt like we had made a lot of progress and set some good boundaries in place to begin this process. I also have been eating better and working out which is all part of how you find success in this journey.

So I began the “detoxing” period. It wasn’t easy.

But let me tell you…..thank goodness I had a meeting scheduled with my therapist as I was coming down from the meds, cause I couldn’t handle feeling all the emotions at once that the meds had been dulling.

I have officially been 100% off the meds (Cymbalta) since Tuesday of last week.

To say it hasn’t been easy is an understatement. And HUGE kudos to my wife and her infinite amount of patience through this.

But omg. The amount of emotions the meds were suppressing has been intense. I find myself battling myself all day long. It’s exhausting. And one of the biggest things my therapist and I discussed last week was taking control of those thoughts and grounding myself in truth.

I’m emotional. I get frustrated quickly. I cry unexpectedly. I jump to conclusions. I read too much into situations. I’m more hard than necessary on myself. I feel intensely insecure and inadequate.

You know, all those things we all feel? Just super amplified. But I’m working through it.

Does that mean I’m off the meds forever?? Who knows. It’s a day at a time right now.

But I share all this for two reasons…..

  1. we don’t talk about this enough. I watched Selena Gomez’s documentary “My Mind and Me” on Apple TV+ and was so moved by her sharing her story and remembering that when we share our stories it’s freeing and allows others the strength to share theirs too. You can also find her song below.
  2. too many struggle alone. I have a close friend right now who the world at large thinks is on cloud 9. But in reality he’s battling for his life daily. I pray for him and his family all day every day and hold space as I can for him. Then yesterday (Sunday) my childhood hero, Green/White Power Ranger, Jason David Frank committed suicide. And I broke. I literally curled into a ball and cried.

You’re not alone.
Your feelings are valid.
Sometimes life sucks.
You don’t have to have it all together.
Therapy/Counseling saved me.
Medication works.
You’re normal.
We are all broken.
Your pain matters.

That is what I want you to know today.

My journey is only beginning. In my processing through anxiety and depression, I’ve learned that I need to stop looking for “good days”, because in my world I focus too much on my faults to find many complete “good days” to celebrate.

Instead I am trying to celebrate the moments. It’s one small step forward at a time. This Thanksgiving Season I find myself thankful for the grace, patience, and love of those closest to me.

May you also seek to celebrate every moment you can.

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