Toxic Positivity
We’ve all heard it. Maybe we’ve even said it ourselves: “Just think positive!” or “Look on the bright side!” While these words often come from a good place, they can sometimes do more harm than good. That’s because they fall into the trap of toxic positivity—the idea that we should only focus on the positive and ignore or dismiss difficult emotions.
Here’s the truth: Life is hard sometimes. We face disappointment, loss, stress, and heartbreak. Telling someone (or ourselves) to “just stay positive” can make those struggles feel invalid, like we’re not allowed to acknowledge pain or frustration. It sends the message that if you’re struggling, you’re somehow doing life wrong. And that’s simply not true.
Real positivity—the kind that lifts people up—starts with acknowledging the hard stuff. It’s saying, “I see that you’re hurting, and I’m here for you.” It’s creating space for honesty, not pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t. True positivity sits with someone in their struggle and reminds them they’re not alone, not broken, and not failing just because life feels heavy.
What If Someone Gaslights You into Being Positive?
It’s even tougher when someone in a position of authority pushes toxic positivity, making you feel like expressing frustration or concern is a flaw. If you find yourself in that situation, here are a few strategies to protect your peace while standing firm:
- Acknowledge Your Feelings First: It’s okay to say, “I hear what you’re saying, but I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, and I need space to process that.” Your emotions are valid, no matter how much someone else tries to dismiss them.
- Set Boundaries: If someone continually shuts down honest conversations with positivity platitudes, set a boundary. Try, “I appreciate your encouragement, but I also need to be able to talk through challenges without feeling like I’m being negative.”
- Find Safe Spaces for Honesty: If your workplace doesn’t allow room for authentic conversations, seek out trusted colleagues, friends, or mentors who do validate your experiences. Community matters when you’re navigating tough environments.
- Stay Grounded in Reality: Toxic positivity often ignores the facts. If someone tries to downplay a real challenge, calmly state the reality. “I understand the desire to stay positive, but this issue is affecting my ability to do my job well, and it needs to be addressed.”
- Practice Self-Compassion: When others push positivity to an unhealthy degree, remind yourself that it’s okay to not be okay. Give yourself permission to feel, process, and move forward in a healthy way.
Let’s be the kind of people who offer hope, not hollow platitudes. Because positivity shouldn’t silence our struggles—it should remind us that even in the mess, we’re worthy, we’re seen, and we’ll get through it together!
