I, like many others, spend a lot of time in prayer.
I find myself praying prayers of thankfulness, forgiveness, but more often than not asking for guidance or an answer.
Funny how no matter how many times God has shown himself clearly in my life, I still doubt. I still worry. I still find myself wondering if He cares.
One thing I have to remind myself is that God doesn’t always speak or answer my prayers in big, bold ways. There’s not a burning bush, a huge flash of lightning, or a booming voice.
Sometimes it’s as quiet as a whisper. A whisper, that if I’m not truly listening, then I don’t even hear.
I want God to answer my prayers, but with the answer I want.
I want God to speak to my heart, but in the way that makes me feel better.
I want God to heal broken parts, but at the time that I want it.
Isn’t that how so many of us are as humans? We think we know best. We think our answers are the right (and sometimes only) answer.
I prayed for God to heal my mom, and He took her.
I prayed for a family member to break addiction, and He allowed them to fall deeper.
I prayed for a child, and He said not yet.
I felt angry, abandoned, and lied to. Wasn’t this God supposed to be full of love and compassion? Wasn’t I faithful enough, prayed enough, believed enough?
But with me being so loud and angry and wanting things my way, I missed His whispers along the way and the reminders that God knows things we don’t. He is always preparing me and growing me even when I refuse to see it.
Though I miss my mom every single day, and many days still find myself screaming at the sky, I know there is something good to come out of that loss.
Though I prayed for years for children for my wife and me. I thought God had left us. Each month with a new negative test just made me feel like we were being punished (even though I know that’s never the case).
But instead God was preparing something better. He was preparing our hearts to be able to ask for help. He was preparing a way for me to be home during infertility treatments. He was preparing a time for us to be pregnant at the same time as close family. He was preparing to send us not one, but two babies.
So what am I getting at here?
You may find yourself frustrated with God at times. Screaming, crying, begging for answers or for Him to speak to you. We’ve got to take moments to slow down, quiet ourselves, and listen for the whisper.
Because our prayers aren’t always answered when we want or how we want. And sometimes it takes years for us to see “the why”. Even more importantly, sometimes we’ll never understand “why”. But His whispers are there, if we slow down to listen.
Natalie Grant’s song, “Whisper” inspired this post. Here are some of the lyrics (with the song posted below).
“I don’t ever slow it down
Stop the wheels from going ’round
Can’t hear You through the noise
You’d think I would learn
To take You at Your word
And know Your still small voice
Calling my name
Pointing the way
One step at a time
I know I should pray
I know I should wait on You
But I’m always looking for the lightning
For the thunder crashing down
I’m always wanting easy answers
Wanna hear You speak out loud
I keep wanting something bigger
Sometimes I miss Your whisper
It isn’t always obvious
Sometimes I gotta learn to trust
Let it go and listen up
I don’t wanna miss Your whisper”